No, I do not want to commit suicide.
I do not encourage anyone to commit suicide.
I do not want to personally talk about people who have committed suicide. I do not talk about things I do not know enough about.
I do not equate cutting to suicide. Cutting is its own art of emotion. I do not encourage others to do it either.
Different things cause suicide of course. Crimes, Humiliation, Torture, Hopelessness, or a list of personal reasons.
Some assume suicide is always mental illness, I am complicated and don't think mental illness is always the truth.
I suffer from both torture that is caused by a number of things and every once in awhile I feel hurt and/or humiliated with numbers of things as well.
God is my ultimate judge.
In my self judgement from the day I was born to this present day and knowing and feeling all I have known and felt, I am not going to kill myself.
I'm sick of arrogance in a large thought that is sometimes associated with interrogation and torture.
I look at it as: I am waiting for Superman. I'm sick of the arrogance that think I am self-hating.
There are a number of people I refuse to answer to. They need to accept it.
I have not given up on myself. I am aware of my exhaustion and limits. I think I have great potential to be something. Conditions, however, can greatly hinder my potential. Sometimes, I have to settle for less until I have my own means to save myself, or a superman to save me.
I still dream of a better future for myself. I still take action to preserve myself for a better life in the future.
Yes, I hate the status quo and my life.
But, I have not given up on a life that I want to have.
I have a belief, that sometimes, patience has a potential to win. That sometimes, there will be other options or opportunities and that being hasty, or rushing things doesn't always bring about a better life.
I get impatient myself sometimes. Patience is easier said than done. Most say that I should live my day like it would be my last day. I say yes and no. I will live it to an extent, but there are things I am waiting on. There are parts of life and myself that I will not throw to the wind.
In a different random thought concerning suicide: I give kudos to people in jail. Numbers of people in jail, even with a life sentence.
I don't know if I had a life sentence if I could live it to my last day without killing myself.
Prisoners who don't have a life sentence have to face what their life will be like after being free of prison. I still believe people still have opportunities, but prisoners will most likely have more limits, and unfortunately be a greater danger to society.
I give kudos to other people who have suffered torture and humiliation without killing themselves. I have heard people who want me to kill myself, I'm sure there have been others who have been told to kill themselves who have suffered torture and humiliation.
Of course it depends on who it comes from where it hurts more than others to have been told to kill yourself. Aside from all insults, cursing, harassment, and hating, I think for someone to tell me to kill myself is one of the most deadliest phrases I could ever hear.
Sometimes, it is what fuels me to call others crazy, too egotistical, religious, unbalanced, and see their own insanity.
Other times, simple arrogance fuels me.
Different things do.
I hate where I am in life, but remain diligent in pursuing and hoping for a better future for myself.
