Mr Big Cheese

Strutting around online making it known who wears the pants.......
Oh, you've always been danger and a heartbreak in the fun.
Being cooperative, because in my present state of being lust is stronger than other dreams or ambitions that I can't seem to think about right now.
I really hate the idea of other women.
I hate the idea of your own abuse and hate itself.
Vague memories of bad times in the past. I'm being refreshed by other cats in my thought, probably not out of friendship but the sake of competition and repuation.
Testing how much I mean what I say in my world.
It really sucks sometimes being held accountable, one big reason I hate catty fame, the matrix, sim world.
I have an understanding where I am in my present time and that sometimes, because of the way the world turns, there are different choices to be made, new outlooks that may or not be forever ingraved in a mind.

Anyway, Mr. Big Cheese, I'll answer to you this one time. I can't guarantee how many other times I may answer to you, but I'll answer to you today.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/41774667/ns/politics-more_politics/?GT1=43001

Thinking first about my personal fiscalness............
You know, during the times that I have had steady incomes, I payed every bill. If any fault, it was when my bank account went in the negative, but I did pay my bank account back. Seriously, of all the stalking, you go right ahead and look at my bill statements. You see my monthly payments for yourself.
Keep in mind, during job losses, of course, it would be impossible to continue paying bills. More proof that I never was a hooker.
But if you measure both time frame of employment, unemployment, and variations of income, you will find how responsible I really was in paying my bills if you even take the time TO HAVE FAIR JUDGEMENT.

As for literal job, even though I quit my current one, you are boldly being a dick that gives no breaks or sympathy and continue to demand tyranny. Current math: You are the stereotype French lover.
In another separate idea related to the French, I'm happy about my weightloss, but honestly, hate the idea of a conditional love based on weight.
Tyranny is something I've always been against. You turn me on in a very twisted way though that is outside of my typical ideals. I like being challenged, but not knowing when to give a break and continued dickishness is simply too much and goes beyond what I consider reasonable limits.

So, what to do now? Figure out ways to deal and work with your whippings. Figure out how I'm going to deal with a list of other things too.
Another reminder, I hate how some connections are made. I'm not afraid over the dog issue. I still think you're a ridiculous wicker man. Is it a joke to you now? Do you seriously believe that I am hardcore and gungho in favor of beastiality. (~Thinking outloud~but if you were the beast~)

I'm simply afraid of you altogether. What you've already done. What I don't know. What I know about you as you.

Beastiality

Throughout the past several months, I have been taking my own personal notes while I roam and venture through the world. I may not have seen or caught onto everything, but a couple of thoughts seem to be more noticed in my note taking.

First off. I have not had literal sex with an animal. It occured during my youth. With serious religious zealots, it is considered a harsh sin of beastiality. But, I have also noticed the rest of the population apart from the religious zealots. And, the rest of the population is what fuels these zealots more for their zealousness.

Tying into the idea of bestiality is the nature of man. It is a commonly known law that sexuality is one of man's biggest values. Some men are very professional stalkers and hunters. They do their research and some will even sing their felt expression:



(I'm not being a cat with any particular Joe; I'm just using his song as an example.)

In addition to these foundational thoughts is other factors to include in judgement. My helplessness.

It is being more known that people figure out when I compete; most often it is over leadership traits and skills. Therefore, when I make my own personal judgements against other people and hold other people accountable for actions that they actually have chosen, most of these people snap into the competition. This means that if that person is serious about their role as a leader, they will equally (or not honestly equally) want to have the reaction of the black sheep fued. They will want to do their own research on that person to see what kind of things can be found on another's file.

This is the first time I will make an official apology to the more obvious people in the media over bestiality I committed in my youth. I also give my apology to everyday people in every sort of financial class. I still think I should not have to die over it. It was never my responsibility to broadcast it in the media. It was never my responsibility that other people could have possibly been sexually influenced or turned on by bestiality. I really am sorry that someone drew big attention, and I'm even more sorry that some have chosen to add more kinkiness and something new in their sex life.
I really never understood the Burmuda I have been in.

I will give an apology, but I would rebuke/denounce/deny a person who would want to murder me over it. I would rebuke/denounce/deny a person who wants to torture me or dehumanize me for it.
Of course, with some victims, it usually isn't their choice to be murdered. I'm just saying, if I get murdered, I think it is such a stupid reason to murder me for.
In all honesty, if I ever get married or even in a relationship or sexual encounter, the singer Joe can forget adding beastiality to the bedroom. It happened in my youth. I have never been given the fair opportunity to defend myself or say something for myself. I have never been given my own opportunity to say what turns me on in the bedroom. Some men have just gone with it and everything was fine anyway.

So, I do not wish to be sexual with literal animals. I don't want it. I call other people liars when they shove/frame me into it, as they have done with some women when I complain that I feel I am being pushed onto.
I don't want polygamy.
I don't want to be a swinger.
I don't want to be a lesbian.
I'm not crazy to be bisexual.
I simply am a one man kind of woman.

I give a serious and sincere apology for the bad influence I had not purposed to be.

Going There: Suicide

No, I do not want to commit suicide.
I do not encourage anyone to commit suicide.
I do not want to personally talk about people who have committed suicide. I do not talk about things I do not know enough about.

I do not equate cutting to suicide. Cutting is its own art of emotion. I do not encourage others to do it either.

Different things cause suicide of course. Crimes, Humiliation, Torture, Hopelessness, or a list of personal reasons.
Some assume suicide is always mental illness, I am complicated and don't think mental illness is always the truth.

I suffer from both torture that is caused by a number of things and every once in awhile I feel hurt and/or humiliated with numbers of things as well.

God is my ultimate judge.
In my self judgement from the day I was born to this present day and knowing and feeling all I have known and felt, I am not going to kill myself.

I'm sick of arrogance in a large thought that is sometimes associated with interrogation and torture.

I look at it as: I am waiting for Superman. I'm sick of the arrogance that think I am self-hating.
There are a number of people I refuse to answer to. They need to accept it.

I have not given up on myself. I am aware of my exhaustion and limits. I think I have great potential to be something. Conditions, however, can greatly hinder my potential. Sometimes, I have to settle for less until I have my own means to save myself, or a superman to save me.

I still dream of a better future for myself. I still take action to preserve myself for a better life in the future.
Yes, I hate the status quo and my life.
But, I have not given up on a life that I want to have.

I have a belief, that sometimes, patience has a potential to win. That sometimes, there will be other options or opportunities and that being hasty, or rushing things doesn't always bring about a better life.

I get impatient myself sometimes. Patience is easier said than done. Most say that I should live my day like it would be my last day. I say yes and no. I will live it to an extent, but there are things I am waiting on. There are parts of life and myself that I will not throw to the wind.

In a different random thought concerning suicide: I give kudos to people in jail. Numbers of people in jail, even with a life sentence.
I don't know if I had a life sentence if I could live it to my last day without killing myself.
Prisoners who don't have a life sentence have to face what their life will be like after being free of prison. I still believe people still have opportunities, but prisoners will most likely have more limits, and unfortunately be a greater danger to society.

I give kudos to other people who have suffered torture and humiliation without killing themselves. I have heard people who want me to kill myself, I'm sure there have been others who have been told to kill themselves who have suffered torture and humiliation.
Of course it depends on who it comes from where it hurts more than others to have been told to kill yourself. Aside from all insults, cursing, harassment, and hating, I think for someone to tell me to kill myself is one of the most deadliest phrases I could ever hear.
Sometimes, it is what fuels me to call others crazy, too egotistical, religious, unbalanced, and see their own insanity.
Other times, simple arrogance fuels me.
Different things do.

I hate where I am in life, but remain diligent in pursuing and hoping for a better future for myself.